For You

A gift for all you Twi-hards out there. This video makes me laugh. Pause the playlist at the bottom of the page if you want to hear it.

Creativity At Work

This is Launa:



This is Launa's bruise, Purple Cat. She named it herself.

Drumroll Please!

The first pics taken with the camera. They are a little blurry in places, but my camera has a setting to deal with it, I just wasn't using it! Anyway, enjoy.

The Unveiling

Here it is! My new camera. It is a Kodak EasyShare with 10.2 mega pixels and 3x optical zoom. I feel like a deal-finding maven because this one was $129.99 on sale for $79.97. It came with a case and a memory card included (tell me that's not standard, please!). It was about $15 more than a similar Olympus model at a different store, but I think I got a good deal since it came with extras (and the ad said it was worth $129.99!). Plus it came in stylish red! So, good deal, or did they see me coming? I'll post the first pics I took with it tomorrow. I would post them now, but I have to do some homework tonight, and I don't have time to play with it. :(

Camera Time

I don't know if all of you saw what happened to my 35 mm camera a couple of months ago. It has gone to that great photo-shoot in the sky. So it looks like I'll be getting a digital camera. If you have been reading my blog, you may remember this diatribe against digital cameras. Bottom line: I don't like 'em, and I don't trust 'em. However, it appears that my desires are irrelevant. Finding a 35 mm camera is next to impossible, and in a couple of years finding film for one will be equally impossible. Does anyone have a digital camera that they like (if such a thing were possible), that they also didn't pay an arm and a leg for? Any help would be great.

Time To Start Preparing The Cell Now

Motorcycles scare the snot out of me! I think they are dangerous and stupid. I have never ridden on one, and I have no desire ever to ride one now or in the future. Think about it: you're on the highway with 2+ ton vehicles all around you on nothing but a bicycle, with enough power that it propels you at 70 mph, and you're wearing a leather jacket and a helmet. One false move, and they're scraping you up off the pavement with a spatula and identifying your body by comparing DNA from the sludge on the road and your hairbrush at home. This is not the way I want to go. A little over a year ago, a young man who went to our church was riding his motorcycle home from work, when a car that didn't see him accidentally nicked the back of his tire sending him out of control and nearly decapitating him. He left a wife and two children who have been deeply hurt in so many ways I can't even tell you about it here. A couple of months later a man I grew up with was riding his motorcycle with a friend, the throttle stuck open, and he took a curve at excessive speed. He flew through a cable which took his arm off, and would have bled to death except that he landed in a way that clamped the artery in his arm. Obviously Launa is too young to understand the permanent consequences motorcycle riding can bring about. (I get that it's dangerous to barrel down the hwy in my Cavalier too, but at least there's some protection there.) But I'm still terrified! She has a thing for motorcycles and motorcycle men! She's four! Every time she sees a man with his motorcycle, I have to remind her to close her mouth and wipe her chin. It's a little funny. The last time she noticed a motorcycle man, it was a middle aged guy with a pot-belly. She started her "Ooooooh! Motorcycle man! He's so dreamy!" routine. I told her she wasn't allowed to bring a man like that home when she got to be older. She wanted to know why, so I told her that he was really old and hefty (no better time to begin prejudicial indoctrination in your children than when they're very young). I told her that if she were going to get herself killed on a motorcycle for some man, that he'd better be beautiful enough to be worth it. To which she replied, "Oh Mommy, it doesn't matter what he looks like! I would still love him!" (For his motorcycle.) Anyway, I do believe that I am going to have to lock her away once she gets old enough to date. I'll make it nice for her. I'll decorate her cell with flowers and costumes and she can have a kitten.

An Overheard Conversation

The family went with me to clean the church tonight. I was cleaning the toilet in one stall, and the kids were in the bathroom with me. This is the conversation I heard:

Daniel: Can you see the blue part of my eye?

Launa: No.

Daniel: That's because I turned my eyes backwards into my head.

Launa: Did you see your brain?!

Daniel: Yes.

Incidentally, you will probably be happy to know that diarrhea man did not make an appearance this week. I wonder if he's been reading my blog? ;)

The "Prize-Winning" Recipe

Okay. First of all, let me just say that this is not a healthy recipe. It will, in fact, rot your teeth, and you will actually feel the cookies going directly to your hips and butt. This is a recipe that I am famous for, and somehow achieved the nick-name "Mary Cookies" (Thank you Zach!).

Homemade Oreos

2 boxes of devil's food cake mix
1/2 c. flour
1 c. oil
4 eggs

1 can of frosting

Preheat the oven to 350. Get your biggest mixing bowl and a strong hefty spoon. Put the dry ingredients together and mix well. Add the wet ingredients, and mix until everything is wet. The batter will be very stiff. Roll into 1" balls, and place on cookie sheet. Bake 8 minutes. Take the cookies out of the oven at 8 minutes, do not over-bake. Let cool on a cooling rack. Use your favorite frosting on the underside of a cookie, and sandwich together with another one. Cream cheese frosting is awesome with it.

So there you go! TRY THIS RECIPE!! You will love it!

Oops!

I didn't realize until yesterday (I don't always get all of the scraps of paper sent home with Launa) that this week was mommy week at Launa's school and moms were invited to read to the class. Also today is a tea party, and all moms are supposed to bring their best dessert to share and then there will be a vote for best dessert at the end. I was supposed to send in my recipe by Wednesday because they were making books, but I didn't realize in time. Now I feel like scum because I'm going to be at the tea party, I'm going to win first place, and I won't have my recipe in the book. It was completely unintentional! Hopefully they won't hold it against me.

Feelin' The Love

Alright, after reading all of your ridiculous comments from yesterday and this morning, I realize that you insane stalkers really do like me. So I'll go ahead and respond to your wackiness right here. Dana - sorry to make it so hard for you to become a follower of my blog. I'll add a follower box for all who would like to do so in the future (See? You inspire necessary changes for the better!). Also, thanks for telling me that you like to read about Launa. She's so cool, but I'm always afraid that I'm in danger of making this the "What Launa Said" blog. I have another funny story about her that I'll post in the next paragraph. Also, I hate that I don't post more about the Dan man, but he's just in a different stage of life, and he doesn't unintentionally say funny things at the rate of Launa. (Besides, I think she may be more that way forever than he is.) Finally, I did not vote in your poll, I have been a selfish jerk and have not been reading other people's blogs, just checking to see who's reading mine. I'll go there to vote as soon as I'm done with this!

Okay, Launa story! When I was feeling under the weather, Jeremy went to Game Stop to get a new DS game to keep me entertained. He got me this hidden object game, and Launa was helping me search for things. On one scene, we were looking for the last thing, and I found it! Launa launched into this gushing diatribe: "Mommy! You found it! I'm so proud of you! You're so smart! You're such a great mommy! You're amazing! How did you...?" And then she shut up, because I couldn't hide the amusement on my face, and she thought I was laughing at her (she's getting sensitive about that). She's definitely my little cheerleader. It doesn't matter how small the accomplishment, Launa comes around and makes sure I know exactly how awesome it was of me to do it!

Trailer Trash Valentine's Day

Welch's Sparkling red grape juice? Check!

Kraft processed cheese slices? Check!

Premium saltine crackers? Check!

Video games? Check!

"Future Millionaire" shirt? Check!

We are all set for the Valentine's Day to end all Valentine's Days!

Hooray For Church Cleaning!

So, I clean half of the church every week, and my SIL does the other half. Sadly, I get the bathroom half. Which, I really wouldn't mind, except that every week, some guy has to have diarrhea all over at least one toilet, which he leaves for me to clean up. Today, I just went in to the church to give it a quick facial, and not a full-body spa treatment, because that was about all I could muster. So, I get to the men's room, and sure enough, some guy has pooped all over the toilet! I have written a letter. I will probably never actually post it in the bathroom (though I was tempted to make a bunch of copies and wall-paper the room with them), but I am actually pretty proud of it, and so I'm going to post it here. You're welcome.

"Church Men!!

I am not your momma, I am not your wife, I am not your maid. Do you really think that you non-tithe-paying tightwads give enough money to this church for them to pay someone to clean up your nastiness? Well they don't pay me. I donate my time to keep this church looking decent. So the next time you feel like having a massive diarrhea attack all over the seat and down the sides of the toilet, make your momma proud, and clean up after yourself!

Mary
(Poop-scraper extraordinaire)"

Ah, The Maturity of Some People

I am sick. I have been sick since Thursday. And while I'm better today than I was on Thursday, I am worse today than I was yesterday. Anywho. I am supposed to teach Sunday School tomorrow, but I don't know how I will be feeling then, so I needed to call the other SS teacher to ask if she would be willing to cover for me. Unfortunately, somehow I never got her number, so I had to call around in order to get it. I called my sister-in-law to let her know I'd be over to the church to straighten up today, but that I was not going to be deep cleaning. Well, I also have the most ridiculous phone ever times two. See, my phone itself has a 3 that sticks, and you really have to mash it down, and sometimes, after all that mashing, the 3 loosens up too much and punches twice. I accidentally dialed this number: (770) 769-7133 because the 3 mashed twice. As soon as it happened I shut off my phone so that the call wouldn't go through. Well, I also have the magicJack. A wonderful device that allows me to have a home phone through my internet service for (you know it!) $20 a year. Since this offer is (obviously) too good to be true, the magicJack is a little quirky. One of its' quirks is that even if I hang up my phone, sometimes, the magicJack doesn't hang up. As soon as I realized this, I made a mad dash for my computer to hang up the phone before it went through. Unfortunately, I missed. The phone was answered, and I ended up hanging up on the guy. As a result, in a swell of maturity, while I was on other calls trying to call my friend and ask her if she'd trade with me (she will) I got a call from (770) 769-7133. Just so they could hang up on me. I suppose it is every bit as mature of me to publish the number (770) 769-7133 as an illustration of an immature boob, but I feel crappy, and I'm gonna do it!

IF you Like my Body, AND You Think I'm...

Most of you that have met me, know that when I gain weight, it all goes directly to my belly. It's sad and annoying considering there are so many places where my fat would better serve me, but that is neither here nor there. When my mom and SIL were in town, we had a big dinner one night, and I was being goofy (stupid, take your pick) and I pulled my shirt up over my belly and pushed my belly out, creating a tremendous masterpiece of giant belly. Launa walks over to me, puts her soft, warm little hand on my belly and starts rubbing it in a circular Buddha-wish-making motion, turns to my mom and SIL and says, in an eyebrow cocked, you-know-you-wish-you-could-do-this kind of way: "Jealous guys?!"

The Long Awaited, Triumphal Return!

Yikes! It's really been OCTOBER since I posted anything? And it was pretty unkind, what I wrote, too! Okee-doke! A lot has happened, and I have written very little about it, so here's the run-down:

Launa started her first year of school! Can you believe it?! She's actually in Pre-K, but it's been a great experience for her. She sometimes has difficulty being away from me for so long, but she's getting better at it. She hasn't fussed in a long time over it.

Daniel is in 2nd grade. He's my big man! King of his school, which only goes to 2nd grade. I just found out that he goes to his school counselor a lot because he's worried about his uncle James being in the Army. :( James is in Haiti right now working on the relief effort (and burning his armpit hair - you'd have to see the pics to get the exact mental picture of this disturbing behavior.).

Let's see...Oh! I graduated with an associates degree in paralegal studies. So I am a paralegal now! Just not an employed one... but that's the loss of all those silly attorneys that didn't have the sense to hire me! Oh yeah...I swore that I was going to take some time off school, make a little money to help ends meet...yeah... Instead I went back to school starting in January to get my Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice. (Why do I do this to myself?! A break would have been AWESOME!) I just finished my last assignment for my first class last night. Not my best work, but sometimes that happens. That assignment kinda threw me. But my professor did tell me before the final two assignments that I was top of our class, and that anything I did would be okay from that point forward, so I think just turning something in was good enough. (Oops! I probably shouldn't have vocalized that sentiment.)

Jeremy has applied at the Bartow County Sheriff's Dept. Hopefully they'll put him on as a jail guard, which he'll have to do or two years before they'll allow him to become a deputy and hand out speeding tickets.

Hmmm...We're getting a sweet tax return. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my two little tax deductions?

My mom and sister-in-law got to come by my house for a couple of days last week. That was way fun! They brought lots of food, which we ate pretty much the whole time, so that was nice. Thanks for the food ladies! Their last night in town, we had a two hour, glow in the dark dance party using tunes off of my very own playlist at the bottom of the blog. We had a blast! Jody and I bought 8 packages of glow stuff: necklaces, bracelets, a magic wand, and a mask, and when it was time for the party, we cracked all the glow stuff, brought out our tiny (borrowed) fiber-optic Christmas tree that changes colors, decked ourselves out in glow stuff, shut off the lights and danced the night away! We had the best time! Jody wants to make a somewhat regular event of our dance parties, with her hosting one (in NC), and then us hosting another (in GA). I think it sounds like a ton of fun. You guys should come too! :) She took some video of me dancing with her phone. Once she posts it on FB, I'll probably post it too. Never claimed to have any dancing ability...but it's fun to let loose anyway. ;P

Welp! I think that's it for now. I'll try to do better at posting updates in the future. Love you guys!