Hello, World!

Yesterday, we were outside playing with the little girl next door. I have a giant cystic zit on my chin, that there's no way anyone that is within a block of me cannot see. I'm sitting on the front porch while the kids are playing and Launa comes up and looks in my face and says to the little girl next door, "Look at my mom's pimple." Which I ignored.

Then Launa says again, "Hey, look at my mom's pimple."

So I reply, "Launa, she has eyes. I'm certain that she can see my pimple, please don't point it out to her."

Launa's reaction: "What? I want her to see your pimple."

I guess she does. But I really don't want her to point it out...not that she can avoid seeing the satellite growing off my face. I love having kids.

The Weirdest Thing Ever

Okay, probably not the weirdest thing ever, but still pretty weird. Someone else's playlist is popping up on my blog! The background and buttons at the bottom are still green, but the player is red and all it has is 4 Foo Fighter songs on it! Please, I have much better taste than that! (I like Foo Fighters some, but I wouldn't make a playlist that consisted only of 4 of their songs.) I want my good playlist back! :(

ACK!! Now it's something else!! Eew, if I wanted these dumb playlists I would have created them myself! Until further notice, everyone please disregard the bizarre playlists that keep posting themselves on my blog. I'll need to have a word with playlist.com about this problem. And if I find out that one of you (*ahemJohn*) figured out some way to make it do that and is messing with me, I will make you cry.

Indian Birthday

Launa is having an Indian birthday this year. It just crept right up on me! Anyway, I've been promising her a princess sleepover party since we moved here. I told her that once we got into our own place and settled in that we could do one (because I accidentally bought her a princess sleep-over party planning book, before I realized what it was. Note to self: look closely at the books you buy for your children from now on.) . Her birthday is probably the best time to do it so I don't have to do more than one party for her this year. Anyway, I'm not sure where the book is, and her birthday is Monday. I guess I'd better find it. Now, should I do the slepover party this Friday night (2 days from now), or do I do it the Friday after her birthday? If I do it this Friday, it'll be over sooner. How much planning really needs to go into a 4 year-old's birthday party ayway? She wants a tea party, so all I ned to do is make sweet tea and cookies, she wants hotdogs for dinner, easy, and an Ariel cake - also easy - make cake, put Ariel toy on top. Hmmm...then we could do hair and nails, her cousins could each bring their own princess dresses, and for party favors, we could buy them cheap dollar store jewelry! Friday it is!

KILLER SPIDER!!!

Saturday I went to my sister-in-law's house to do laundry because they were out of town. Sunday morning I realized that I left a very important piece of clothing over there, and so Jeremy had to go back to get it. While he was gone, I jumped in the shower. I had my towel on the towel rack over the toilet so I could grab it when I got out (reasonable place for a towel, I think). Keep in mind, that no one wears their glasses in the shower. I'm all clean. I rip open the shower curtain, and I grab my towel. While I grab my towel, I can see that there is a spider on the ceiling just above it. Let me explain to you that my vision is bad. It is so bad that I have to buy small frames if I don't want to be wearing Coke bottles. While I could not see the detail, I could tell that this was a spider.

With eight legs.

If I could see eight legs, this thing was a MONSTER! Let me also alliterate my irrational phobia of all things eight-legged: When I was a teenager I went to close the curtains in my house, and as I reached up I almost touched a big bellied spider that had made a house behind the curtain during the day. I had an anxiety attack right then and there and my poor little brother was all alone with me, and was trying to talk me out of the hyperventilation and hysterical tears to no avail. Spiders freak me out!

So there I am, naked, wet, blind and vulnerable all alone in my tiny bathroom with a monster, bloodsucking, eight-legged, beast. I wrap the towel around myself and grab my glasses. Bad choice....now I can see this sucker! It's worse than I had even imagined! And it started to dangle with all those gross legs splaying out everywhere!! ::shudder:: If I had been a minute later getting out of my shower, that thing probably would have been on my towel when I grabbed it and started rubbing it on my body! AAAAAAAAAH!! ::double-shudder!:: By now, I am screaming like the girl in Psycho, and Launa is in her bed laughing hysterically. I can't think or dry myself with this monster in the room with me, I have to get out! So I grab my stuff and run to my bedroom to dry off and regroup.

I'm dry, I have my robe on so I'm no longer naked and vulnerable, and I have my glasses on, so I can see my nemesis. I know that only one of us will make it out of that bathroom alive, because as terrified of the invader as I am, it is not going to be allowed to escape and make millions more of itself! (And anyway, if I don't know where it is, I'll have to worry about if it's still in the bathroom while I'm finishing my hair and makeup, and getting the kids through the tub. And I'll have to worry about it in the future, wondering where it ran off to, and how many babies it's made so far.) But when I get back to the bathroom, I can't find it! It's not on the ceiling! Daniel found it! Next to the plunger, which is hanging out between the toilet and the bathtub.

Decision time:

What is the best way to get this monster? What if I make a move, and it runs away? How can I do this most efficiently, without the spider getting away? My plunger lives in a little thing that keeps me from having to put my dirty plunger on the floor. I wonder if I could lift the plunger and put it on top of the spider before it runs off? Then I could just have Jeremy kill it when he gets back! But could I move it fast enough that the spider won't get away? What if it runs to the corner and I can't get it with my shoe? While I'm debating, the worst happens! The spider runs to the corner where I can't get it with shoe or plunger! Now what? I whack at it with the plunger, but it's a clever foe. It knows I can't get it, so it stays put. If only I had some spider spray! But I don't! (Mental note: this whole scene could have been avoided if I only had some bug spray! Pick some up at the store today.) Daniel, ever loyal and at my side, is dispatched to the kitchen to "Get the broom!" Which he finds quickly and promptly brings to me. I wrap toilet paper on the end of the handle, and make quick work of the enemy!

Yay for me! I killed a spider!

But not before totally traumatizing my children, who are now afraid of spiders in the bathroom. Just then, Jeremy walks in the front door. (Okay, really it was about 20 minutes later, but it sounds better this way.) And I asked him to clean up the guts (...because I couldn't handle them. One step at a time, alright? Yeesh!). Which he did.

You may now call me: Mary, the Giant Bloodthirsty Spindly-legged Spider Vanquisher! Oh and the "Giant, Bloodthirsty, Spindly-legged" part is in reference to the spider, not to myself. Just thought I'd clarify the title.


UPDATE: I was just in the car with Jeremy and Launa to pick Daniel up from school. All of a sudden, a little bitty spider climbed up my window on the inside! I grabbed a tissue to kill it, because I am way less afraid of tiny spiders. I went at the spider and..........I missed!! I can't believe it! The spider starts dangling from the tissue, which I instinctually toss to the floorboards! But I miss again and the tissue, with the spider attached, lands on my legs!! NO!!!!! I drop the tissue on the floorboards and start to smash the heck out of it with my feet. I don't know if I got the spider. It's probably still alive and hanging out under my seat. Or maybe it's still hiding in the folds of my jeans...

Poor Chapstick

We have a split staircase, so someone standing on the landing at the top, can drop something to the bottom of the staircase directly below them. I JUST bought some Chapstick yesterday. I put it on this morning before church, and Launa wanted some too, so I told her she could use it. I hadn't seen it the rest of the day. So I asked her just now if she knew where it was. She said, "I fink it's in my pocket." I went downstairs to find the jacket she wore this morning, and she called from upstairs that she found it in her pocket. (Oops, it was upstairs, not downstairs.) So I asked her to toss it to me at the bottom of the stairs from the landing at the top. I'm standing under her with my hands out, waiting for her to drop it, but she's giggling up there, and isn't really sure exactly where to drop it. Finally she says in a high pitched Chapstick voice, "Don't drop me! I'm too young to die!" Love that kid.

Update: She just told Jeremy that she has "teensy weensy guns" in reference to her biceps.

Hooray For Clothes!

One of the local department stores is going out of business. They are clearing out the store. This is their last week. I found a beautiful dress that was originally $70. Wanna guess how much I paid for it? C'mon, guess! Really, you'll never guess anyway. I paid $6.54 for it! I never get such awesome deals! I also got clothes for the kids, some of which they will have to grow into, since sizes were limited. Great deals all around. So I'll have to lose about 15 lbs and buy a sweater in order to wear it, but that's what I like to call "motivation."

Why Did It Have To Happen To Such A Great Spice?

My gramma sends us this chicken seasoning from Washington every time she can get her hands on it. It's good stuff. Well, the last time she sent us some, she managed to get her hands on a gallon bucket of it! (Oh yeah!) So my mom gave me a jar filled with it, and I had an original sprinkle container already from a previous shipment. Today I ran out from the sprinkle container and had to refill it from the jar. I couldn't get the sprinkle top off, so I had to use a knife to pry it off. The top popped off and fell on the floor, so I picked it up. I made a funnel out of a Valentine's Day card because I don't own one, and poured it in. Then I tried to put the sprinkle top back on. It didn't fit! I turned around to see if it was because of something I was doing, or if I had damaged the container. I stepped on something. Sure enough, the top of the jar came off with the sprinkle top. I should probably just buy a cheap set of salt and pepper shakers and put the seasoning in there. I know what it is anyway.

ARRRGH!

It feels like I have something way up my nose, but there's nothing there! It's driving me crazy!!!!

Since I Can't Get This Song For My Play List...

I'll just have to post it here. Be sure to listen to the follow up song on my play list afterward.

Daniel Kicks Bottom

Today we ended up getting that new laptop that I requested additional educational funds for so that if I'm ever out of Internet again I can still do my school work. (Is that a run-on sentence?) Anyway, they had a good President's Day sale where I got a very nice laptop for $400. We were playing around with it, and we have the game "Bejeweled" on it. Jeremy plays, and gets the high score immediately (3,700). He plays a bit more, but never makes it past level 3. After a while he lets me play. I play for a while, but I never make it past level 3 and my high score is 3,400. Daniel is dying to play, so we tell him he can play. He beats the first level, then the very first move he makes on level 2 creates so many other automatic moves that he cleared the whole level with one move! Then, he just keeps going, and going, and going. Yeah. He played one game. Final score: 14,500. Nice.

More Eavesdropping!

Daniel: "I wish I was in Heaven."

Launa: "If you were in Heaven, Jesus would kick you out of the clouds!"

You Asked For It

I got one vote on my playlist, and it was for "it stinx." As your punishment for either not voting or for being unkind to me, I am going all the way back to 3rd grade. Here are some songs from my childhood that I loved, and still like because they give me that nostalgic feeling. I'm just too embarrassed to put them in regular rotation.

Joey was my favorite. I was fully "in love" with him. Now I look at his pictures, and he was cute, but he was a baby. Wow. He used to look so old and mature to me! HA!

Come to think of it, they all look like children now...

BTW, have you heard their new album? Yikes. Middle aged men should not try to be a boy band. I'm sure there's something else they could have done with their new album...on the other hand, all they know is how to be a boy band. I dunno. Yikes, though...seriously.

Good Advice - Not Just For The Individual Anymore!

Our government needs to start taking this advice as well.

The Smell Of Rain

There's a smell just before the rain falls. You could smell it every time it rained in California. I smelled it rarely in St. Louis, but I smelled it today. It smells earthy and clean. It was heavy in the air before it started to rain. I love that smell.

WOAH!

I have never seen such a large amount of vomit come out of a kid at one time. That that's saying a lot, because both of my kids were projectile vomit champions when they were babies.Nope, Daniel just beat them all out tonight. This was wide, forceful, and long. Poor kid. I wonder how many more sick days he can take this year before they call the truant officer to my house? I'm sure if I took him to the doc tomorrow they would just say it's one of those 24 hour things, but I can't send him to school when he's been throwing up. Hmm...

I don't recall the last time my kids were this consistently sick. This has only been over the last couple of months. I'm starting to wonder if it's the apartment? I can't imagine that there would be anything wrong with the place. It's run by the city, so it should be all up to code, etc... Why are my kids sick so much?

$.99 Milk?!

Oh yeah! I got milk at Ingle's today for 99 cents because it expires tomorrow!

Small Group

We had our small group meeting yesterday at my house. I had a good time. I hope everyone else did. But guess what I found out? Chris (one of my guests) has a five year old daughter that had gastroschesis too! While Daniel was in the hospital for only a month, his little girl was in the hospital for 3. But it sounds like her condition was worse than his. Anyway, he was told that this was a super-rare birth defect and that his daughter's condition was so bad that she would never be normal, then told them they should either have an abortion (can you believe it?) or allow cameras from some women's cable network to follow them around. Needless to say they rejected both offers. After her time in the hospital, they brought her home, and she is perfectly fine and normal. No lasting problems. You know, I wonder how many people have abortions because their all-knowing doctor tells them that they are not going to be "normal", but then end up aborting people that would have turned out just fine. I wondered that at the time I had Daniel too. He was such a great baby and I wouldn't want to imagine my life without him now. Interesting developments.

It Reminds Me Of My Brother!

Here's a link I sniped from someone else's blog because it made me laugh and also because it reminded me of my brother. Please visit this website, and also enjoy this picture of my darling, cute, bearded brother. (He joined the Army, they're going to make his shave the atrocity. I'm so happy.)

Okay, maybe it's a little distorted, but that's pretty much what he looks like.

What My Son Will Publish

Today was parent teacher conferences at school. Daniel's teacher met me at the door with a paper that she just had to read to me. A little background: Daniel's class is having a book published and for the low, low price of $14, I could have a copy. Well, I wish I could buy it, but it's just not in the budget right now, and there's no getting around it. Anyway, she said (paraphrase), "I know that you can't get the book that we're publishing, but I made a copy of Daniel's paper because he had the best line! I couldn't quit laughing when I read it. They were supposed to describe themselves, and read here: 'who fears the raf of dad and mom'!" At which time, she started busting a gut. That's right, my kid wrote that he fears the "raf" (wrath) of his dad and me. If you don't believe me, here's the proof. (8th line down.) Also, of note: "who loves his sister, who loves God, who loves Jesus, and who wonders not to go to sclool."

Wednesday?

It is official. Wednesday as I know it is no longer. The word "Wednesday" is now dead to me. I will not be using it ever again. The new word for the middle day of the week is now "Vomitday" since the last several have been spent, by me, cleaning up the mountains of vomit that cover my very existence.

"Crafts"

My kids are no longer satisfied with paper and crayons, they want to "make crafts" with beads and glue and anything else messy they can get their hands on. Today I wouldn't let them have glue. No problem, they just used tape and made pictures with that! Daniel showed me his beautiful creation with some serious pride, laughing because of the giant head and the tiny body. I asked him how he thought that something with such a small body was able to support that huge head. He thought about it for a second and said, "I should have made him lying down." Which of course made me laugh. Here's the picture in question:


And here is Launa's (I can't put only one on, you know.):

Irksome Tidbit

I was just listening to a little news blurb, and some egghead environmentalist whack-job just made some big statement that having more then 2 children is environmentally irresponsible. That people that have more than 2 kids are leaving an inexcusably big "carbon footprint" and the government needs to take money from important research for curing disease and put it into making more easily available things like family planning education, contraception, and abortion. You know, it's things like this that make me mad that we decided to stop at two kids (a decision made permanent by a surgery I doubt my husband would be anxious to try to reverse). That makes me so angry that I would immediately start trying for more kids if it were even possible anymore. Hey, someone go make a set of quadruplets for me, okay?

Things That Excite Me

Today my odometer reached 111,111 miles. That was kind of cool to see.