Sunday, June 28, 2009

Celebrity Death Week!

Hello, all you crazy people out there in the blogosphere, and welcome to Celebrity Death Week! The seven day period of June 22 through June 28, 2009 will always be known in my mind as the week all the celebrities in the world held their breath and hid trembling in their closets while Death stalked silently outside their doors. The week started off innocently enough with zero deaths on the tally for the first couple of days. Which was a pretty good run. However, Ed McMahon got the ball rolling when he died June 24, 2009 at the ripe old age of 86. While the death of such an icon as Ed McMahon has saddened millions of Americans, the truth is that no one was actually very surprised when the Grim Reaper beat him in a game of tag. The death of everyone's favorite Angel was also not a terrible surprise on June 25, 2009, as Farrah Fawcett had been battling with colon cancer for quite come time. And while we will all miss her many appearances in Playboy and on posters everywhere, those long sexy legs of hers just could not outrun He Who Rides The Pale Horse. Sadly, her death, which was deserving of so much more attention, was overshadowed like Mother Theresa's by Princess Di, by (of all people) Michael Jackson! The gem of the week my friends! Who would have thought that a relatively young healthy man, who got plenty of exercise, spent lots of time with children, owned a pet chimpanzee and was staging a comeback would be struck down by El Muerte at the young, young age of 50? It is hard to believe my friends, but the King of Pop will no longer brighten our lives with new music to dance, dance, dance to. But we can all remember him through such incredible hits as: ABC, Beat It, Bad, Thriller, Black Or White, We Are The World (Ok, that's not just him on the song, but would we really be interested in hearing it if he hadn't contributed to it? I don't think so.) and so many more. At least with Lisa Marie running his estate, he will be out of debt in no time and able to care for his children's future. Well, Death must be a Jew (or a 7th Day Adventist, or JW, I'm not picky), because he took the day off on Saturday June 26, 2009 presumably for rest and reflection on a hard week's work. However, by Sunday June 28, 2009, Thanatos, rested and tanned from his day off claimed his final victim of this celebrity tally: Billy Mays! The pitchman for Oxyclean, Mighty Putty, Kaboom and so many other household items mysteriously died Sunday morning after a rough plane landing on Saturday sent him to bed not feeling very well. If there's one thing we can learn from celebrity deaths this year kids, it's to not try to walk off head injuries! (Right, Natasha Richardson?) Hard head or not, let's not mess with head bumps, people, because The Ferryman is waiting for you, and he can't wait to get his hands on you! That's it for this seven day period, but a thought strikes, and that is, that maybe Celebrity Death Week is not over. It is very possible, that we are only on day five, and that those first two quiet days were the two days before the commencement of Celebrity Death Week. If I were one of the elite few loved and revered by many, I would not be leaving my closet anytime soon. My name is Mary, and that is all for this episode of Celebrity Death Week!

PS: In an ironic twist of fate, this is the post that knocked Gramma's obit off my page.

9 comments:

Dana Cheryl said...

LOL! This is a great one MC!! Love it.

I mean I'm sorry that people died & for their loved one of course. Especially the Jackson children who not only have unfortunate names (Prince not to be confused with the Purple One, Paris not to be confused with the trampy one, & Blanket not to be confused with a big squarish piece of fabric) they're most likely facing a hellish custody battle that could possible separate the three of them.

OK didn't mean to bring us down. That's was one funny post. I truly did laugh outloud. :)

timpani76 said...

I'm not a celebrity, but I'm still spooked out ;)

Mary said...

Honestly DC, I feel bad for MJ's kids too. I almost wrote something sad and sappy about them, but it didn't go with the overall tone of the post.

Dana Cheryl said...

I saw on the news this morning that their grandma got temporary custody of them. I was also kinda of shocked but my hope in humanity was restored when the Jackson family said that they did not want a huge custody battle. They wanted the kids to stay together & didn't want to alienate any party. Very refreshing! I was expecting something along the lines of the Anna Nicole Smith custody saga!

Al said...

Mary's best post yet! It gives me a great deal of confidence knowing that Michael's parents have custody of the grandchildren. They did such a fine job with their five.

Mary said...

They only had 5 boys. There were girls too you know. :P And thanks, I'm kinda proud of this particular post too. :)

MC

Mary said...

I wonder how long it will be before the kids are unmasked and performing for our entertainment once they get settled into their grandparents' place. Grampa has a record label...he made sure everyone knew about it when he announced his son's death.

Dana Cheryl said...

According to the petition filed by Grandma Jackson she's not currently living with Grandpa Jackson. They're estranged but will never divorce too much cash & stuff to divide. So many the kids can be spared!

Mary said...

Hmmm...