Polling Is Now Closed

Out of our 5 voters, 2 voted for boxers, 1 voted for briefs, and 2 voted for Depends. I see only two of you got the joke. You see, Depends are a brand of underwear made for people with incontinence. It was a play on words. Do you all get it now? You didn't think I'd put up a vulgar poll like that without having a good reason behind it, did you? Well anyway, even though very few people seemed to get the joke, I'm going to send all voters in this weeks' poll a 200 oz. water jug with my face on it. Good times.

Polling Is Now Closed

For the first time ever, we have a 100% vote. This is a poll that is sure to go down as one of the most humiliating defeats in the history of the "Have You Been Cranky Lately" polls! A 6 - 0 vote for Drown over Burned to Death! I always knew my readers were smart, but now it has been confirmed to me. You are all right - drowning would probably be rather unpleasant, but burning to death has got to be one of the worst ways to die ever! At least when you drown it's over pretty quickly. Not so much with burning death. (I also heard that you have a feeling of euphoria just before the end with drowning. I wonder how "they" would know?) Anyway, for their participation in this poll, all voters will receive a "Have You Been Cranky Lately" asbestos suit with my face on it. To keep you all safe in case you're ever in a fire. That's right, I'm always thinking about you my friends and faithful viewers.

Polling Is Now Closed

Well, results are in from our latest poll. It turns out that y'all are a bunch of rubbernecking, train wreck watching, injury lovers. 4 out of 6 voters would like to be the guy who cleans up eyeballs, lungs and intestines from a crime scene. (Oh yeah, and also blood and teeth.) I could also see how it would be interesting and would satiate any curiosity you have about what sickos will do to other people. We also had one aspiring sewer inspector, smelly, and rather icky I would think, not to mention the bugs and rodents that must be lurking around down there. Still, that's nothing compared to one that I was really surprised got a vote, and that is a highschool janitor! Really? I'm shocked that someone actually chose that occupation, since I've seen what highschoolers will do to their schools (bathrooms especially), let me just say this: Yuck. Fortunately, I see that everyone was clever enough to stay away from porta-potty cleaning. The good thing about that is that it only takes about 3 minutes to clean one of those things out, since they have it down to a science. The bad thing about it is that a person might clean up to 60 a day. Oh yeah, and a tipped porta-potty would be a nightmare! Anyway, interesting choices. Those who participated in this poll will receive their "Have You Been Cranky Lately?" junior detective kit with a picture of me looking through a magnifying glass on the front. Don't forget to vote in my next poll, you will want our next prize!

Polling Is Now Closed

Polling is once again closed for the day. It looks like "Barbara" tied for first place with "Willow" and honorable mention goes to "Oak" and "Maple." Embarrassingly, the only answer that got 0 votes with "Birch." I like Birch trees, though, and hope one day to own some. I guess they are pretty, but no one wants to be one. Voters in my poll may want to check their mail this time around for a "Have You Been Cranky Lately" shot glass with a photo of my torn jeans on it. You're welcome. Be sure to vote in my next poll, so you don't miss out on any of the fun and exciting prizes in store for you!

Polling Is Now Closed

Our poll is now closed. I'm afraid there may have been some confusion about our last poll, since basement torture chamber is the clear winner this time around. The discipline question was regarding how you handle your children not the way you like to be disciplined! Oh well, thanks to everyone who voted, you may expect your "Have You Been Cranky Lately?" handkerchief with Jeremy's face on it, very soon.

Polling Is Now Closed

Well, by the looks of things earlier this week, I was ready to have to scold you all for being so rude to the people taking your order...looks like I only have to scold a little less than half of you, so here it is: Shame on you for being so rude to the people taking your order at the local fast-food joint! Do you think those poor kids are paid enough to have to deal with the kind of attitude from customers? Let me tell you something misters, they aren't! I guarantee you they are making just about minimum wage, and having people yell at them for asking a question they have been trained (and may be forced) to ask, is not cool!

Having said that, it looks as if most of you prefer not to have the fries. Odd, I LOVE fries! Next time, just order them, and I'll eat them for you. Thanks to everyone who participated in the last poll, you may be expecting your "Have You Been Cranky Lately?" boondoggle with my face on it very soon! Congratulations, and don't forget to vote in my next poll.